Love Instantly and Forever

I’ve only been at this mom business twenty months. 

Well, twenty plus nine months because I was the pregnant woman who already felt like a parent.  I got a gender and a name to the pounding feet inside of me as soon as the technology would permit it.  I planned for and prepared for that precious first girl and felt motherly from the moment the maroon line appeared on the test saying I had a new life within me.

And then little girl number two came along seventeen months later.  Within three months of baby Rosalie’s birth, we moved. 

It’s been a bit of a whirlwind and I’d love to blame my moods, irritation, and lack of an imagination on the 5:45 AM wake up calls from a hungry hippo-of-a-baby who has more rolls than Pillsbury and really shouldn’t need to get up that early to add to them, should she?  I want to say I’ve been a tiresome, boring, and frustrated mother because I have to clear a path through boxes and have piles with mementos dating back to the 1980s that needed to be sorted – and… Did you put that in the hall closet, honey?  I have to get at that every day!  Why on earth are we saving the Mountain Dew bottles from your college days again?

Regardless of what I blame it on, this really isn’t the mother I wanted to be.  The mother who stands in the toy area of Ikea while her toddler plays, staring vacantly at her and leaning tiredly and heavily on the shopping cart trying to avoid looking at the baby’s face in the carrier – knowing she’s going to campaign for a diaper change if eye contact is made.
I haven’t been at this mother business for long, but I’ve already forgotten some of the things I planned on doing. 

The person I planned on being.

The memories I wanted to make.

Wishing the moving to be done, wishing the Terrible… One-and-a-Halfs? to be over, wishing any of this time away is something I never do.  Ever. 

And yet, I sure live like it some times.

I’m not finding a lot of things funny these days.  I’m picking too many battles and not being forgiving for the ones I do duke out, even if I win.  I’ve almost forgotten how to crack a joke or play like a kid.  And believe me – playing is something I’ve always done well, and promised myself I would continue to do!

Because I woke up one morning, the sound of children in the daycare next to my apartment crying their heads off reminding me that I chose to keep my adorable and impressionable girls with me all day for a reason, I realized I’d simply been forgetting all of the things I wanted to be, do, and never do.

So I wrote this list.  It’s on the back of my bedroom door so I have to see it every morning before I leave my room.  It’s called “Things to Never Forget”:

♥   Spend time with the Lord every day

♥   Read the Bible to them – practice verses

♥   Sing at least one hymn a day

♥   Pray with them all throughout the day

♥   Laugh, and don’t sweat the small stuff

♥   Never get angry

♥   Play pretend – be the mom that gets into the McDonald’s playground

♥   Write in each of their journals

♥   Everyone needs some fresh air and exercise

♥   Greet Brad at the door with a smile, hug, and a kiss

♥   Be goofy and get a little crazy with all of them!

♥   Love and forgive instantly and forever

And, with the jolt like a shock collar that I gave that sleepy memory of mine, in an act of Instant Love, I decided we were going to put the wings on to unpack today.

Advertisements

26 thoughts on “Love Instantly and Forever

  1. I love your list! Im six months into motherhood and I can find myself being boring and irritated. I think I’ll create my own list. I’ll steal praying with him everyday. I love that one. I’ll let you know what other things I come up with. Great post! I needed it!

    Like

    • I’m so glad, Keka! I went and checked out your blog and I loved it too! Your son looks so precious. 🙂
      I’m really glad God prompted me to share what He taught me recently. It was a little humbling, but I want to be a help to others. 🙂

      Like

  2. Rachael, that was beautiful!!! 😉 You made me tear up :). I’m so glad that we have a forgiving, loving heavenly Father who gives us the grace to start fresh every day and to live life to the fullest for Him and through His power! 🙂 Motherhood should be about the important things…the laughter, and silliness, cherishing every moment, relying on God’s strength, and pointing children to the Lord. But all those less important things that seem so huge can be so distracting! And lack of sleep and crazy hormones makes life 3x as hard!
    Oh look at me. I sound like a mother. I’m sure people will laugh at me. I can’t explain it, but I feel like I can relate in some way! I know exactly what you’re saying, and we have the same goals and desires – you as a mother now, me imagining the future.

    Like

    • When you become a mother, my little Clipness, it will be a day the angels rejoice! I can’t wait for that for you – if it’s God’s plan. I’ll be excited to be your big sister and help you along the way. Thanks for your sweet comment! ❤

      Like

  3. Love this RJ…I find that we all are at many points in this journey “the mother we didn’t want to be.” I guess the beauty in that is our heart, knowing that we constantly will strive to be better. The other part of that is there is no perfect parenting. I am sure you know your princesses love their momma through thick and thin…through the ups and downs. They see no error (at least not at this age) Children are so forgiving and when I error and yell at my babies when I promised myself I wouldn’t be a yeller….that humble apology on my knees usually brings tears to their eyes. You’re a great mom and a great wife…so blessed up know you. I’m going to take your advice and write a list;-) thanks for sharing!

    Like

  4. I typed up this long response to this post and it wanted me to log in and I lost my reply!!! Agh Ill attempt to recreate it:-)

    It’s funny because as a mom we all find ourselves at one point or another being the mom “we didn’t want to be”. The beauty in that is that is our hearts. The desire we have to be perfect moms. The other thing is how loving and forgiving our children are. I’m sure you know that your princesses love you no matter your faults, although we criticize ourselves, our babies see no error. (At least not at this young pure age). I find it so humbling when I make my mistakes and yell at my babies when I promised myself I wouldn’t be a yeller! Then I get on my knees and ask for forgiveness and it usually brings my babies to tears. That is a part of mothering as well:-) You’re a great mom, I’m blessed to know you!

    Like

    • I got both of them! So no worries! Thank you for your sweet post – and taking the time to type it up a second time! That means a lot!
      I know exactly what you mean. I’m hoping that if I pray to not even be angry, I’ll never become a yeller either!
      That’s the beauty about grace. I love the book by Elise Fitzpatrick, and I recommend it to all of you mothers, called “Give Them Grace.” In it, it suggests even sharing with your kids how (maybe not in details some times!) you sin and fall in the same areas they do – and how God forgives you! It keeps you humble, it lets your child see a perfect example of their mother reaching out for grace, and it is an honest example of God’s love to them. 🙂

      Like

  5. Sleep, or lack of it, really affects my outlook. I find it’s also easy to get into false-guilt mode. But this is a great idea to remind yourself of the things that are truly most important in your day. I’d also love to hear more about how you keep journals for your little girls.

    Like

    • I don’t believe there’s anything such as false guilt. If we’re feeling guilt, even if it’s not for a sin that’s clear in Scripture, obviously our conscience is bothering us and we should evaluate why. I think it’s always a good warning bell, you know?
      Thank you for your sweet comment! I have – pretty faithfully – kept a diary since I was seven years old (I have a whole shelf of them now!) so, I first found out I was pregnant with each of my girls, I started a diary for them. It chronicles my whole pregnancy with each of them and now their lives. 🙂

      Like

      • I believe 1 John 3:16-20 describes false guilt. It says when our hearts condemn us, we can set them at rest in God’s presence if we have shown the love of God to those who need it. In the realm of motherhood, I think false guilt is where you feel bad because you didn’t get the house cleaned because you chose to spend time with your kids, who needed more interaction today. Or you feel guilty for not spending the whole afternoon with your kids because you chose to cook a nutritious meal for a family with a new baby. We can’t do it all, and I don’t think God expects us to do it all. If we’ve done the best we can to love the ones God brings to our attention, our guilt is false. I do think we need to assess carefully whether we have done our best, but sometimes the answer will be yes.

        Like

  6. Pingback: Love Instantly and Forever Reprise | Blonde RJ

  7. I have to constantly fight being that mother I never wanted to be! I sound like a broken record most days, reminding children over and over about the chores or general upkeep (putting dirty clothes in the hamper) that must be done each day. No, I don’t want to hurry this thing called motherhood away, and I don’t wish for it to be over, but, man, it’s hard! It reveals so much about me that I hate, and then must work on. It stretches me further than I knew I could stretch and reveals just how selfish I am. I look back at myself, twenty years ago, so young, so naive, so full of life and eager for life… I am a better person now as I have been sanctified and changed, much of that through the journey we call motherhood. But, I miss the zest for life that once was. I hate that my children don’t really know who that young girl was.

    Thank you for this post. Even us older, more experienced mom’s need to reevaluate what we’really doing. We all must take up our cross daily and follow Him. Especially now, with small eyes watching us.

    Like

    • I’m right in the middle of the younger mom and where you’re at. Approaching my thirtieth birthday this year, I’ve taken a lot of time to evaluate things. I want to make changes and be a more patient and joyful mom than I was in my 20s.
      Thank you for sharing, Rachel!

      Like

  8. Woah! I’m really enjoying the template/theme of this website.
    It’s simple, yet effective. A lot of times it’s very hard to get that “perfect balance” between user friendliness and visual appearance.
    I must say you’ve done a awesome job with this. Additionally,
    the blog loads very quick for me on Internet explorer.
    Excellent Blog!

    Like

I want to hear from you!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s