I was writing the following down in a quick Facebook message to a friend (you know who you are, my dear fellow mother/peer), when I just decided to publicly share it instead.
I’m very discouraged right now. I’m discouraged about the state of certain people I love, at times my own sinful state, etc.
I feel like God is telling me I just need to rest in Him and that I can’t make things right myself, however I don’t know how to rest and wait patiently while still proactively talking to these people and showing them that I care, challenging them, and reaching out. I don’t know how to rest and reach. At the same time.
I feel like God gave me the example of the bulb syringe. My baby daughters are so helpless. They’ll be entirely congested, where they can’t breathe a bit out of their noses. But they’re entirely helpless and can do nothing for themselves. Even though the bulb syringe is often painless and merciful, they act like it’s big and scary. They writhe and squirm and make the whole process so much longer and more frightening. I tell them, the whole time, “Hold still. Sit still. Relax.”
If only they knew what I did. If only they could see I’m making it better. If only they realized it will be better when I’m done.
Similarly, I am helpless to know how to fix problems in my life or in others’. I can’t even blow my own nose, let alone someone else’s. And I often fight God’s bulb syringe in my life and theirs, even though it is the perfect solution to my problem. To my loved ones’ problems.
But how do I rest, how do I let God do His work, and still let Him use me? How do I not become like someone I know, who seems not to care, who won’t shed a tear for someone else’s pain? How do I rest and reach?
Does someone know who can teach me?