I am a people person,
which has a double meaning. It means that I sure love the dickens out of all of you, and care to be a part of your lives for eons to come. But it also means that I can care too much what people think – to a fault some times. So what I’m about to say is scary for me – and it shouldn’t be!
You all know that I think you’re good parents. I think God has given your kids to just the right people. I am happy to be called your friend!
But I’ve got to ask for a cease fire.
Many of you are very outspoken, some of you in kind ways, some of you occasionally are not. I consider myself a teachable person – and that is all God, not me! EVERY single time someone approaches me with a medical thought or a parenting thought, I go check the facts. I research it extensively, talk to professionals and other moms, pray about it, etc. You see me on Facebook doing that – asking for advice, calling out for wisdom, help, and prayer. I hope that you guys see me as teachable. But you should know, even if you don’t see it, I don’t disregard anything, but spend time learning about it.
However, like I said, I need to ask for a cease fire on the opinions for a while. Some of the opinions feel like hurtful accusations to me.
I parent with an educated, prayerful, submissive-to-my-husband mindset. These are things Brad and I have researched extensively, thought about, sought advice for, and prayed about. We are science-loving, information-seeking, logic-craving people. We strive to be sensible, unemotional, and balanced. You may think we’re nuts, but God is working on us and you can trust He’ll lead and guide us into truth!
It saddens me that the, recently and aptly named, “mommy wars,” have escalated to the extent that I am afraid to be honest and open with what I do and who I am. Forgive me for being a bad friend – the kind who would hide myself in fear. The kind that doesn’t speak up when I hear judgmental or gossipy comments about someone’s medical practices and opinions. I pray that we can all be friends who are kind and gracious, who don’t judge or talk badly about each other or scorn each other. The body of Christ is not supposed to be divisive. Friends are supposed to be loving and gracious. These are not doctrinal issues. These are not criminal issues. These are not things that should divide friends. I do not believe in my body, or in natural medicine, or in my own mind. I only have faith in Jesus Christ alone. I know I am a fallible sinner with a fallen body in a fallen – and cursed! – world headed toward destruction. Therefore, above all, I seek Christ’s wisdom continually for my life.
As you read this, I just feel that the kind and loving thing for you to do for me, as a friend, would be to just listen. Please try to refrain from commenting on this post, just know that I am wanting to simply inform you. As I “come out of the (medicine) closet,” so to speak, please be gentle with me. After many, many years of being a good listener, I’m raising my hand to have a turn to speak. This is where we stand now. Please know that we love you regardless of how different you are! ❤
This is who RJ is and these are MY OWN personal opinions.
They do not have to be yours:
I am a pro-vaccinator (for myself and my kids – and even the flu shot). I can go into why I do, but now is not the time to start an argument. These are just the facts of what I do.
I go to an allergist that does blood work and under-the-skin scratch tests. I tried the lavender essential oil, but it did nothing. My environmental allergies are worse than anyone else I’ve ever met. I give myself allergy shots twice a week. They make my life livable.
I use a cover while breastfeeding and I feel like it’s loving and thinking of others for me to cover up in public at all times.
I have never had a need to take myself or any of my family members to a chiropractor, up to this point, and would only be interested in seeing one if I had a spinal alignment problem, and only a spinal alignment problem.
I have had two c-sections, both for emergency purposes. (Many have doubted the facts I have given, but can I gently remind you that you weren’t there? I would love it if you would trust me. I was given all of the information necessary and made the best choices to keep both of my girls alive.)
I am not against epidurals or hospitals for birth – neither am I against going medicine free. I had Pitocin with my first. The Pitocin was to try and get her out naturally before cutting me open, because she was already wrapped tightly in the cord, and her heartrate was flat, before I even got to the hospital. She was in distress even before labor, but they gave me the best chance to have her naturally.
I will never be up for a home birth. All of my next children will be born in a hospital. I would love to attempt a VBAC, but I will not be a failure as a mom if I need a c-section once again. My body seems to not be able to go into labor. It shuts down and assumes I already gave birth. This is a very rare hormonal problem. Again, trust me. Please don’t argue with me, because you were not there for both of my births, neither are you my midwife or doctor.
I put my babies on a schedule for sleeping and eating. I also schedule nursed them from birth, every 2 to 3 hours as needed. (Both slept through the night by 6 weeks and were fat and healthy! :-P)
I drink a very moderate amount of Mountain Dew each day. I enjoy cooking from scratch, but I occasionally buy pre-packaged foods like macaroni and cheese from a box. I eat processed meats like hot dogs. And gluten! 😉 I’m not allergic, so I don’t feel like depriving myself of gluten. I also get sugar-free gum like twice a year. I put Equal in my tea. I don’t use artificial sweeteners when pregnant though, just in case.
I give my children antibiotics when they legitimately have an infection that has been diagnosed by my very competent pediatrician. That has only happened twice in Rachael’s life – and never in Rosalie’s. They will not be pumped full of antibiotics for nothing, but I am not against it each and every time they – or I – actually have an infection. I trust my pediatrician more than I do you. I’m sorry, but she has proven herself worthy. She has been in the trenches caring for my children. You’ve never examined my children.
Just because she has an MD next to her name doesn’t mean I should immediately distrust her.
She is a Christian sister and I love and respect her. One of the things that has bothered Brad and me the most is a skepticism and distrust of the medical professionals that he and I have chosen. These accusations are made with no personal knowledge of the situation or our medical professionals. You were not there. You have not met our midwife, allergist, or pediatrician. We do not appreciate the accusations that our medical professionals are liars or out to harm us.
I don’t drink raw milk. I think it tastes a little bit better, but I can’t afford it. It also gave me food poisoning once. I doubt every batch is like that, however, it’s just not my thing. Rachael cannot drink raw milk. Nor can she try goat’s milk. The proteins are still way too big. Gluten proteins are much smaller and they still cause her body to throw up and be covered in hives. Thank you for thinking of us when you recommended the different kinds of milk, however, you’re person #223 at this point. 🙂 It just won’t work for her. I have to answer this question at least once a month so I thought it would be best to put the answer out there. 🙂 I also give Rachael soy milk in very moderate amounts. I have been reassured, through talking to professionals and my own research, that this will not harm her. We are thankful she has this option to give her a boost to growing and receiving calcium.
I do natural birth control/family planning. I don’t use any drugs or hormones, but I’m not against being submissive to God and your husband and staying daily in prayer over when you should have your next child.
I co-slept with my babies only every once in a while for fun, but primarily put them in their own crib, especially when they were very little and I was afraid to roll over onto them! I put them straight down and let them cry-it-out. I don’t rock or feed them to sleep. My girls go down happily without tears. Initially, by day 2 of laying them down without me, they got the memo and went to sleep contentedly.
I will not use amber necklaces on my children. The amber would have to be heated to an extremely high temperature (above what is natural for the human body) to leak any oils. Then, even if that could occur, the anecdotal evidence that it has an effect on pain would be minimum compared to the risk of strangulation. Even if the beads individually snapped off, I won’t even put a headband on my children sleeping. Call me paranoid, but I would not be able to sleep at night knowing they have a necklace on.
I don’t buy only organic food – unless it’s produce for Rachael. I can’t afford it and don’t taste or see the difference in our lives. I am very, very healthy, and, except for allergies, which I believe (from science) comes from the genes, not from anything done to me in the womb or after birth, am almost never sick. I have not gotten the flu in two decades, and I attribute that to the shots. I am thankful to the Lord for that! My girls are just as healthy, as well. Praise the Lord!
I hope I’ve covered everything. Please know this doesn’t change our friendship – it shouldn’t! Brad and I would love to have our opinions respected and not judged or challenged all of the time. I pray you guys all love and care for me as much as I do you – even though we’re so very different!