The HONEST Student Contract – Funny!

I was a piano teacher for ten years before making a move across the country and giving up the last of my students. 😦  Teaching is in my blood, and, someday, I hope to do it again (Soon?)

I had a student contract for all of my students, but, over the years, I saw some pretty crazy stuff in my line of work.  And, with all specialty teachers in mind, I now post the contract some teachers WISH they could present.

(ALL IN FUN and just for laughs!)


Student Contract


What you can expect of me:

  • I will not come half dressed (and will dress in a full bonnet without makeup to please conservative students).
  • I will drink Mountain Dew during every lesson. (I will not share with your child.)
  • I say “bloomin’” and “bloody”; I apologize ahead of time to those of British descent.
  • I like to say a prayer before each lesson.  I apologize if you are Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Animist, a Hippie, or just anything I’m not.  (I will allow your child to embrace a tree during the lesson, granted I may be allowed to meanwhile sing “This is the Song that Never Ends” in a high-pitched Lambchops voice.)
  • I will not look at baby pictures of your child. Requesting this of me may cause termination of lessons.
  • Occasionally I have a need to text message my boyfriend during lessons. You will cooperate and give me peace and quiet while I do so. No time will be added in this situation.
  • I myself will play various obscure pieces for two hours at the recital. All is required to attend.piano_teacher_funny_pizza_t_shirt_tshirt-r3d5eca8b2d3b4d53ab0f7b10e7d48e40_804gs_512


What I expect of you and your child:

  • If the lesson is between ten and two pm, I expect lunch. If you make cookies in my presence, I expect a sample bag.       Mental breakdowns require ice cream compensation.
  • Please inform me ahead of time if uou have a stay-at-home father.
  • I have low self-esteem and require constant praise and occasional hugs from students and mothers (but noy stay-at-home fathers).
  • Your children must be clothed in brand-name items and must be receiving orthodontia work.
  • Deodorant is mandatory. Strong B.O. may cause termination of lessons (including the stay-at-home father).
  • If my brother should grace you with his presence during a lesson, you will feed him pizza. (Do NOT mention his B.O.)



  • Payment will be made in Euros.
  • I require a month’s notice for termination of lessons, as well as a year’s pay as severance.
  • Cancellation on the day of the lesson will result in me personally toilet papering your house, with the possibility of eggs.
  • I require a substantial Christmas, birthday, Easter, and Valentine’s Day present, wrapped decently (please, no cheap handmade cards)


Resistance is futile.


3 thoughts on “The HONEST Student Contract – Funny!

  1. Pingback: Top 10 Posts of 2014 | Blonde RJ

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