The HONEST Student Contract – Funny!

I was a piano teacher for ten years before making a move across the country and giving up the last of my students. 😦  Teaching is in my blood, and, someday, I hope to do it again (Soon?)

I had a student contract for all of my students, but, over the years, I saw some pretty crazy stuff in my line of work.  And, with all specialty teachers in mind, I now post the contract some teachers WISH they could present.

(ALL IN FUN and just for laughs!)

 

Student Contract

 

What you can expect of me:

• I will not come half dressed (and will dress in a full bonnet without makeup to please conservative students).
• I will drink Mountain Dew during every lesson. (I will not share with your child.)
• I say “bloomin’” and “bloody”; I apologize ahead of time to those of British descent.
• I like to say a prayer before each lesson.  I apologize if you are Buddhist, Hindu, Muslim, Sikh, Animist, a Hippie, or just anything I’m not.  (I will allow your child to embrace a tree during the lesson, granted I may be allowed to meanwhile sing “This is the Song that Never Ends” in a high-pitched Lambchops voice.)
• I will not look at baby pictures of your child. Requesting this of me may cause termination of lessons.
• Occasionally I have a need to text message my boyfriend during lessons. You will cooperate and give me peace and quiet while I do so. No time will be added in this situation.
• I myself will play various obscure pieces for two hours at the recital. All is required to attend.

 

What I expect of you and your child:

• If the lesson is between ten and two pm, I expect lunch. If you make cookies in my presence, I expect a sample bag.       Mental breakdowns require ice cream compensation.

• Please inform me ahead of time if uou have a stay-at-home father.
• I have low self-esteem and require constant praise and occasional hugs from students and mothers (but noy stay-at-home fathers).
• Your children must be clothed in brand-name items and must be receiving orthodontia work.
• Deodorant is mandatory. Strong B.O. may cause termination of lessons (including the stay-at-home father).
• If my brother should grace you with his presence during a lesson, you will feed him pizza. (Do NOT mention his B.O.)

 

Payment:

• Payment will be made in Euros.
• I require a month’s notice for termination of lessons, as well as a year’s pay as severance.
• Cancellation on the day of the lesson will result in me personally toilet papering your house, with the possibility of eggs.
• I require a substantial Christmas, birthday, Easter, and Valentine’s Day present, wrapped decently (please, no cheap handmade cards)

 

Resistance is futile.