Put in brutally realistic terms, these are the sarcastically realistic descriptions of common movies.
Most of you smart alecks already got a bunch of the answers, but here they are!
1. The mother, who is only trying to protect her son, is torn away from him by her employee. She is placed in jail on false charges, while her son is snatched up by incompetent foster care. Her worst fears then come to pass. The son then joins the cutthroat entertainment industry that she was trying to escape, and experiments with alcohol with his new foster father, while she unfairly rots away in jail.
2. An emotionally-immature and lonely man builds a doll and calls it his son.
3. Husband and wife don’t invite unpopular Goth to their baby shower. Due to death threats from angry Goth, they send daughter to a private boarding school run by some confused old ladies out in the country. Girl returns home, only to stumble across sewing machinery left by the Goth. She then, like a normal teenager, spends all of her time in bed in a coma-like sleep state, when new boyfriend appears and forces himself on her.
A. Sleeping Beauty
4. A woman is shot and killed. Her teenage son is left to fend for himself on his own while he finds love and searches for his biological father.
5. A rebellious boy goes to a rough part of town and is kidnapped by traffickers who want to sell his body to an aggressive woman who will use him roughly until he will most likely die. Boy’s father teams up with an incompetent mentally handicapped woman to find his son.
A. Finding Nemo
6. Teenage girl has been an only child for years, but her parents have a new baby. She runs away from home and meets a rough-around-the-edges guy whom she falls in love with. She brings him home, but her parents kick him out and want nothing to do with him until he saves the new baby.
A. Lady and the Tramp
7. Young pop singer is in love with a foreign guy from a far off country. She goes to a social outcast to figure out how to gain her guy, and is told to shut her mouth and use her body alone to win her guy. While she tries this method, the outcast, an older woman, dresses younger and comes onto the same guy, speaking up to him, keeping him under her thumb, and controlling him in a way that the pop singer was told she couldn’t.
A. The Little Mermaid
8. A man is dissatisfied with his job and the social stigma that comes with it. He joins the army and hates it. Next he becomes an engineer and coach, and catches a bad guy as well.
9. Young guy is left alone when everyone moves away due to the drop in value the land has in their area. Young guy spends time, alone, improving the land. Dominating, single-minded young woman comes to check on his progress, he falls in love with her, and ditches all of his accomplishments to follow her home.
10. A young boy is taken away from his family and adopted into a family of slaves. He works in hard and creative ways for his master, often times receiving general approval and affection, other times having his very life threatened.
11. A kid convinces a family of kids to run away and join a group of kids who play house together, all the while avoiding a serial child killer.
A. Peter Pan
12. A wealthy family with royal lineage is kidnapped and held for ransom. They are rescued by poor people and learn to appreciate how the poor live.
A. The Aristocats
13. A poor family steals from wealthy families to pay off an angry overlord they originally stole from.
A. Over the Hedge
Maybe it’s time to think about what we’re letting kids watch! 😉