The Funniest Book Reviews on Amazon – an Ongoing List

As an author, reviews are our… well… our fruits and vegetables.  If money is our bread and butter, but no one can leave a healthy life on just carbs and fats, then reviews are the stuff that fills those gaps in our ribs and keep our writing healthy and strong.

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We can’t survive without reviews.

Reviews can make or break an author’s mood for days.  A good one has her singing for joy and sharing it with all of her friends.  A bad one makes him want a pat on the back and motivation to continue writing.

However, then there’s the hilariously odd review.  And we’ve seen many of them.  These just keep us laughing.  Here is a list of them.  Email me at dashwoodavenue@gmail.com and send in your most hilarious reviews! I’ll be adding to this post. (And readers, if you find your own review on here, better make quick use of Amazon’s review edit button.  😉 )

5 Stars – “H uhh tvg”

I . Thought it was good. These review things really make me mad though. They are stupid. So very dumb.

1 Star – “One Star”

haven’t started it yet

4 Stars – “Four Stars”

a

5 Stars – “Review”

All i did was look at the cover, but i already knew from the start. This is, without a doubt, still a better story than twilight.

1 Star – “not for me”

I don’t Cate for it.

1 Star – “One Star”

Pedestrian

1 Star – “One Star”

I didn’t purchase this!

1 Star – “One Star”

I want to give The Nightengale five stats.

1 Star – “One Star”

5 star

1 Star – “Not worth the paper it’s written on…”

Like many others here, I got this book for free when I found it in a men’s room. No name was in it, so I kept it.

Having now plodded through it, I can honestly say there is a reason it was abandoned. And in a men’s room.

1 Star – “ONE STAW OK!”

I GIVE Book one staw for power. HAPPY ^_^
SO MUCH involved with the gree gree. hooo!
I was scary! one should not take the apartheid so physically inductive reasoning.

ONE STAW for no talk to beyond what was necessary to begin for never have I read something mo BEAUTIFUH SOOO BEAUTIFUH

However, I found the selection of titles unflattering to the mind of those strangled by the forces of their own demonic vices. Where in this book do I learn to construct an explosive device? I’ll tell you where. Page 12.

ONE STAW FO BEAUTIFUH. SOOOO BEAUTIFUH

1 Star – “hate this book”

seriously that is all I have to say now:I hate this book. Now I’ll just need to say more because there has to be at least 20 words long. Really it is no different from many other magic books.

1 Star – “paper”

Very very very bad paper

5 Stars – “I enjoy these books”

I enjoy these books, the lead character doesn’t do stupid things or end up bonked on the head each book! Another good one.

1 Star – “no magic! no trilogy! misleading!”

Like Alan Grier and Damon Wayans use to say during their gay skit on In Living Color, “Hated it!” Who in gods name finds a story of 1800’s women in Germany blowing glass with no wizards or something magical happening interesting! Yes it was real and well written but can someone say misleading. The word trilogy should only be used in sci-fi or action stories and movies. Blowing glass and being broke in Europe does not qualify this book to use the term trilogy because who would want to proceed if there is nothing trilogy about it! I saw trilogy and thought ok exciting fun – books that require continuation because they have momentum that build up to mind blowing elusive conclusions, the to be continued type, far from it! This is why I’m giving it 1 – uno stars. this book is smart – true but if I wanted to be led to something that doesn’t exist chapter after chapter waiting for a wow moment that never comes – I’d watch the Hallmark channel.

1 Star – “One Star”

Pointless – constant use of “Baubles”.

1 Star – “One Star”

cancel yhis ordere

2 Stars – “Two Stars”

Really? Everyone got hurt. But I don’t think it was meant to be taken that way.

2 Stars – “Two Stars”

Very wordy

1 Star – “One Star”

very good

2 Stars – “Good story but very poorly written”

At the end of this book, the author expresses her appreciation to her editor, someone named _______. She should fire her instead. There are so many grammatical, spelling, and awkward word usage errors that it distracted me from a fairly good story.

1 Star – “One Star”

So bland a story

2 Stars – “Common sense not required”

Too much fiction, not enough story.

1 Star – “Greatest book of its kind”

Greatest book of the home land in Waupun the degree of difficulty in for you can come up to the thrift stores in Waupun team of the night before I gotta love the night before you can come up with the youth of zero!!!

1 Star – “Identity”

Sorry, however, I didn’t read this boo and I am unable to give and honest review or recommend to others.

1 Star – “odd”

Odd.

1 Star – “One Star”

Can’t really judge as I still have not read it. Rather stuffy.

1 Star – “Could have used way more action scenes”

Not nearly enough action in this one. A few machine guns, some robots, maybe a Terminator — all things that would have made PRIDE AND PREJUDICE better if Jane Austen had the forethought to blend genres together instead of writing a bland ‘period’ piece. There’s a reason I slept in history class. 1 star.

1 Star – “Book”

I did not read the book.        I want this  book off my kindle.  I am getting    very  angry.  very angry.

1 Star – “SUCKED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

I HATE IT!!!!!!!! I just skipped to the 100% to write a review. It was sooooooo boring !!!!!!! Not interesting at all. I have been at 6% since JANUARY AND IT IS NOW JUNE. You should never read this EVER. You can die if you do. It does not deserve a half star.

1 Star – “Again i have never purchased this book i never seen”

Again i have never purchased this book i never seen it in my life ,please i ned an explanation

1 Star – “what the heck.”

what horrible book very horibil yfjx fhc fh gvgvvhh gtyfhgyhfgfbad b a d bad bad horribil book in the whole universe yfh

3 Stars – “For the distracted.,”

Good book. But I have had a hard time reading more than 2 pages at a time this month. Attracted the enjoyment of this book.

1 Star – “Hard to Read”

This is a tough book to read unless you understand several languages and are on LSD. I may have thirty or forty more years to live so maybe I’ll get through it.

3 Stars –“Dog good”

Loved the dog. Do not write reviews. non hajj ahhh 🙂 🙂 Wii oink goggle hard gothic Knuth hanged hugging McHugh McHugh .

5 Stars – “I don’t know how it all these books got on…”

I don’t know how it all these books got on my account but I’m giving them five stars just to get them off

1 Star – “Didn’t read it”

I deleted it before I read it, only because i need to stop reading romance novels. no reflection on the author.

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