Could You Love This Genderless Person?

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WARNING: Adult material (sexuality and homosexuality)

Please don’t read ANYTHING I say below out of context.  Please read the whole article to get the gist of what I’m trying to say.  At some points, I’ll go heavily into speculation, so bear with me on that.  I’m just thinking “out loud” here.

This article is not a recommendation list.  I mention these dramas to prove points in this article.  Watch all things at your own risk.  

 

Many of you know I’m fan of Korean (and some Taiwanese) dramas.  On the whole, the evidence that South Korea is a primarily Christian nation shows in their TV.  The dramas I watch tend to be BBC-type 16-20 episode stories – wholesome, modest and have basic Judaeo-Christian values.  Creative, formulaic, and pleasant, they appeal to me much more than our overly sexualized, bad-language-ridden, or just immature American TV.  I like live-action Korean dramas much more than anime even.  It fits my personality and story style.

However, in the last couple years, I’ve been sorry to see the experimentation Korea – and Taiwan – are taking in gender fluidity.  While out and out gay couples aren’t shown – as Korea, thankfully, has not accepted such things yet – I think it’s only a matter of time.  😦

The trend is “gender bending.”

It’s nothing new, really.  We did it in the States – for KIDS – in Mulan.  Japan’s done plenty of it.  Matter of fact, there’s been a transgender individual in almost every Japanese show I’ve seen, which is why I don’t like live-action Japanese TV. Just about every time I watch what would normally be a family-friendly G-rated show, there’s a cross-dresser. They’re inundated with it over there in Japan.

It concerns me that I see it coming to Korea.

Gender-bending shows, like Coffee Prince, You’re Beautiful, Hana Kimi, and the latest, Taiwan’s Bromance, are fan favorites internationally.  In all of these shows, heterosexual, beautiful girls dress up like boys and live or work among men due to various reasons.  None of the reasons make a lot of sense, and all seem to be very contrived, but thus lies the problem in romantic comedy (rom-com) plots: got to create some unbelievable circumstances to force the couple to be together.  In Coffee Prince, she needs a male-only job to make more money for her family.  In You’re Beautiful, she has to sing in a male k-pop group in her miscreant brother’s place.  In Hana Kimi, she infiltrates a boys’ only school to convince her idol to get back into track and field.  And, in Bromance, a fortune teller told her parents she would have bad luck unless she pretended to be a guy until her 26th birthday.  All pretty lousy reasons to fake masculinity, if I do say so myself.  😛

Can you tell which one is the female in each?

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In almost all of these shows, with the exception of You’re Beautiful where he knows she’s a girl, one of the leading men in the story – Mr. Macho Masculinity himself – falls for our boy-girl not knowing she’s a girl.  Mr. Leading Man is staunchly heterosexual, and is surrounded, usually, by a cast of other handsome males whom he has never had feelings for.  His affection for the weakling, feminine-faced new guy (our cross-dressing girl) confuses the living daylights out of him.  And, at some point, he has to accept “being gay,” or at least looking like it, in order to embrace his deep love for the girly-guy, who must exude some sort of strong feminine pheromone, even though the entire world can’t tell her gender.

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Now, if you’re a straight male reading this, you’re cringing.  I don’t know a single guy who’d say that his ideal love story involves falling for his best guy friend, whom he didn’t know was female.  It insults men on every level.  And the guys in the dramas are hurt.  They’re hurt when they think they’re becoming gay over their bestie.  They hurt when they found out how deeply she’s lied to them.  They’re broken down, confused, and hung out to dry.  It’s painful to watch.  Yet they get back up and keep loving her.

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This stuff hits women hard in the warm fuzzies. 

And I started to think about why. I’m convinced there’s a much deeper spiritual longing going on here.

As “Occupiedterritories.tumblr” said, in a Coffee Prince exposé,“K-dramas depict love as an overwhelming totality so ecstatic that it transcends just about everything and approaches the realm of the metaphysical.  Love transcends not just sexuality (which it embraces and folds into itself) but, more precisely, sexual identity (which it dissolves and makes moot).

Because our male leads haven’t fallen in love with a woman.  They haven’t fallen in love with a man.  They’ve fallen in love with a genderless soul: what is assumed to be a person at their deepest core.  Many of them swear off sex, because, as heterosexual men, the thought of sex with their “male” lover revolts them.  Instead, there is a chasteness to the relationship that is rarely seen on TV (or in real life!)  Except for a kiss or two, they bond on a much deeper level – one of friendship, camaraderie, and dedication.

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A woman wants to think that, at her least attractive – even looking like a man –  that her personality, her friendship, and her soul would be desirable enough to change a man’s sexuality.  That he could get past anything to love her.  That it’s not really about sex at all.  That it’s not about her body at all.  In a culture that tells you you have to be a certain cup-size, a woman wants to think that a man will love her if curves and a female reproductive system don’t exist at all.  That he loves her deepest soul – a part of who she is that makes her unique, individual, and transcends her physical self.  

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Every woman’s dream.

Every human being’s dream really.

All of us are looking for a relationship, love, and passion that cannot be attained on earth.  Even the hardest, coldest, bad boy needs to feel like he’s loved for who he is – even if that lover is him loving himself.  We look for it in many, many places, but, most popularly, in other people.

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Human beings are sinful.  They’re selfish, physically-oriented, small-minded, and weak.  We get sick, we die, we change our minds, we reject, we abuse, and we distort.  We’re not telepathic and we see the world only through our own eyes.  Our understanding of the spiritual worth of a human soul is limited at best.  And, when we find out the ickiest and nastiest about people, it tends to turn us off from that person.  People “fall out of love” every day, with divorce rates at its highest in the last decade.  Bullying is impossible to avoid in most school and work settings.  Finally, more and more, human beings are turning to experimenting sexually, with homosexuality being at its peak in the U.S., with experts guessing at around 10% of the population.

I want to say, firmly, that I stand with the Bible that homosexuality is a sin.  It isn’t natural, it isn’t something you’re born with that you can’t choose to avoid, and it is wrong in God’s eyes, Biblically.

The gender-bender premise is dangerous. In an effort to spiritualize love, like we should be doing, we fall short when we take God-created gender out of the equation. Instead of being a squeal-worthy comedy-fest of true heterosexual love succeeding against the greatest of odds, gender-bender shows introduces dangerous new ideas, like:

  1. Myth: Men don’t appreciate femininity. Women should shake off things that make them female, and should strive to be just like men.  Androgyny is more attractive than embracing the way God made us.

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I have had many guy friends in my life, yet I am one of the most girly people I know – all of my friends will tell you that.  I’ve never upset a guy because I was girly.  I truly think most think “viva la difference” between us.  They like my perspective, and I value theirs.  A girl once told me that my husband needed a tomboy girl – one that played basketball with him, didn’t wear makeup or jewelry, and stuck to blues, grays, and masculine clothing.  He couldn’t possibly appreciate a pink-loving, girly-girl.  Well, turns out, this is the same man who buys me new high heels every year, and likes seeing me in skirts, and long hair dyed pink.  He said it would be pretty boring if I was just like him.  No matter how you dress, your husband married a woman because he wanted a woman!

God created us to complement eachother.  That’s “complement,” like being an opposite matching puzzle piece.  I’m not sure if you’ve had close friends of the opposite gender – although you should have one if you’re married!  The bond can be strong, coupled with the fact that hormones were created to get in there and add spice to the pot that doesn’t exist with same-sex friendships.  It’s so easy to let your relationship with the opposite gender get too close and go too far.  Why?  Because we’re created to be close like that.  We’re created to have ONE spouse, of the opposite gender, who complements, intrigues, attracts, and interests us.

I sure love my girl besties, but none of them will ever compare with the bond I can only achieve with one man.  There’s just something about it.  God created it.

  1. Myth: Gender doesn’t matter.

People want to claim that gender and sexuality matters as much as a pair of shoes.  Wear one pair today, toss ‘em and change to something else tomorrow.

But it seems that gender is intrinsic to our personality and soul – much more than human beings would like to admit.  Even God identifies SOLELY as a He.  Jesus was clearly born male, and He still sits at the right hand of God – male.  And God the Father is inherently male.  Father = male.

Once I heard someone wonder if we would be genderless in heaven.  The concept sat very badly with me.  Maybe I don’t have much of an imagination, but I can’t see how I’d still be RJ Conte in heaven without being female.  Even if my heavenly body isn’t as physical as this one, I think that, if God is male, I will still be female.  God could totally do something miraculous and create new genders or abolish them, but we see no precedence for this in Scripture.  We see commands to embrace our maleness if we’re male, and our femininity if we’re female. We see different roles, different strengths, and even occasionally different commands for males and females, husbands and wives.  We hear of dead people and angels referred to by gender.

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I think we wonder about gender in heaven because there will be no marriage.  I personally don’t think that means there won’t be gender.  There’s no need for marriage, because intimacy in heaven will be complete.  No sexual act with a spouse here on earth will compare to the spiritual – and perhaps physical, mental (telepathy, anyone?), and emotional intimacy we will have with God and other people in heaven.  Marriage will seem like a cruder, less effective method of trying to bond with people.  What about when you can know them completely in a new form?  What about when every moment in God’s presence is pleasurable? Sex will be pointless.  Can you imagine being intimate with God? 

 

I think that’s the point of our pitiful attempts to create the perfect love story.  It can’t compare to the love of God.  He loves our very soul.  He inhabits our body.  He embraces and partakes with us of our emotions. He knows every single thought we’ve ever thought or will think. He doesn’t care what gender we are – His love is the same.  He died for us.  He is the ultimate author of passion.  He is the ultimate lover.  He fills you from the inside out.  He defines your true worth.

There is no intimacy like being inhabited by Christ. 

There is no intimacy like knowing the God of the universe and being known.  Like being died for.

You’re just not ever going to find that in a human man.  Even if you dress up like one.

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RJ Conte writes about love and the Christian life for young adults.  Her latest novel, a romantic suspense, will be released in February on Amazon.com

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26 thoughts on “Could You Love This Genderless Person?

  1. A big problem in our culture (even conservative Christian culture) is to label pursuits as masculine or feminine. If football is considered masculine, and I enjoy it, does that make me less feminine? If short hair is considered masculine, but I wear mine short because it’s thin and it genuinely looks better this way, does that make me less feminine? If being into technology and arguing doctrine/theology is considered masculine, does that make me less feminine? By any number of cultural standards, it does. And so perhaps that’s where we have females wishing they’d been born in male bodies, and vice versa – by making something out of gender that God ever intended it to be.

    And I don’t think we necessarily know what God intended it to be, because sin cut it short, and then we have the curse, which is what many Christians derive their view of gender roles from. I imagine it’s what we have in Christ… no curse: “For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. For all of you who were baptized into Christ have clothed yourselves with Christ. There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free man, there is neither male nor female; for you are all one in Christ Jesus” (Galatians 3:26-28 NASB).

    It’s wrong to insinuate that a woman shakes off what culture says is feminine just to attract a man. Most are just trying to be themselves, and perhaps we should consider more readily as a culture, that there is more than one way to be a woman (or man), and that God in His infinite creativity planned it that way.

    Also, it’s interesting to note that while the writers of the Bible refer to God as male, the original Hebrew noun for the Holy Spirit is indeed female, where God’s nouns are male. Beyond that, in His own Council, God refers to Himself using “us” and “our” when creating males and females, and is quite clear that both are in His image, making it quite likely (at least within the realm of the Trinity) that He identifies with both, and perhaps not as blasphemous and insulting as you might think.

    Anyway, just my two cents… 😉

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  2. I think Shakespeare did the first gender-bender that I know of in 12th Night, if I’m not mistaken. It was a romantic comedy about twins and pretty funny. As a tomboy I always was attracted to stories where the girl is seen as one of the group of guys . . . until I started dating. Nothing makes me want to be feminine like my own husband. It’s one of the many things I love about him. I love this post and all the points you made. Very good. We are stronger when we’re different. Xoxo

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  3. Yes to Lydia’s comments on masculine/feminine pursuits! Or other silly things that are defined by gender – example: my husband loves the color purple and it drives him bananas that purple is so difficult to find for men. I’m always telling him we should move to Japan and he can wear all the purple he likes. 😉 Often it irritates me be it in television or real life when someone will say “oh that person is wearing/acting like the wrong gender. They must be gay.” We’ve warped gender to the point where men are forced to behave in certain ways just to defend their masculinity.

    You said in all the shows except You’re Beautiful had the man falling for the “boy” but my experience has been the opposite. When does Sano fall for Mitsuki not knowing she’s a girl? His buddy Nakatsu does (and played to the tune of comic-relief), but not the main character himself. He figures out she’s a girl pretty quickly but chooses to keep it to himself. The confusion is when he starts sending signals on his feelings and confuses the heck out of Mitsuki because she thinks he thinks she’s a boy.

    I haven’t seen Bromance yet but I have seen/read every version of the others you mentioned that there is. The only one that ever gave me pause was Coffee Prince – and that was because he did eventually decide to stop resisting his feelings for a “boy.” If they had kept it up long I would have been extremely unhappy à la Yentl (*Yech!*) but because he learns the truth pretty much immediately after declaring he’d love her, “whether she’s a man or an alien”, I was able to get past it.

    That Tumblr exposé is interesting and I can see what they mean. It’s similar to the chaebols all falling for the “Candys” – falling for the person, not the status. But you lost me with the chasteness. What dramas have had the men swear off sex because they had to keep their “gayness” chaste?? o_0

    But I’d agree 100% with this: “All of us are looking for a relationship, love, and passion that cannot be attained on earth.” And that’s the one thing any drama, Asian or American, usually gets wrong. When self-worth comes from another finite, imperfect person it’s going to be incomplete and lacking.

    I agree with your myths although in these dramas, generally it’s the femininity that attracts the man and the goal is almost always for the girl to go back to being girly once whatever circumstance has passed that required the disguise in the first place. Have you heard of the manga WJuliet? It’s one of my favorites and it’s a reverse gender-bender – we have a strong, tomboyish female character and a male character forced to pass himself off as a girl until he graduates high school. She discovers his secret immediately and they develop a relationship while she also helps him keep his secret. The discussion of femininity is discussed quite a bit throughout the story – whether it’s her thinking she is strong enough to handle antagonistic men and learning otherwise or realizing that you don’t have to change yourself to fit society’s perceptions but it’s not wrong, and perfectly natural, to find yourself changing for the person you love (specifically, she becomes more feminine and less tomboyish as time passes).

    (Which was specifically mentioned in a Twdrama, Just You, that I was rewatching last night – “Once you begin loving a person, then you can understand that love isn’t about changing the other person, but about changing yourself to maintain this relationship and accommodate the other person. Your mom and I are the perfect antithesis. We’re trying to change each other all day long, so we’re quarreling all day long as well.” Though of course, such a thing can be taken too far, changing yourself to keep a person rather than just bettering yourself.)

    Similar topics are also addressed in the gender-bender/harem Ouran High School Host Club (another top fave of mine).

    Frankly, I suspect that gender-bending is so popular is Asian fiction because it is semi-believable due to their genetics. There are also theories that a male character disguised as female seems more identifiable, sympathetic and less “other”. While a female in male disguise may be seen as an exploration of how it is different for “them”. And it’s not always just a rom/com trope. Look at Painter in the Wind, Queen Seon Duk, Empress Ki and Sungkyunkwan Scandal (though granted, those are all historicals). And I’d venture to say the ease at picking out the girl from the group directly correlates to exposure. When I first started watching Asian dramas I felt like Chris Tucker in Rush Hour 2, “All ya’ll look alike!” – But it didn’t take long for me to learn to appreciate the differences and now I can’t believe I used to have a difficult time.

    Btw, did you know Yoon Eun Hye (from Coffee Prince) is known for being a devout Christian? Makes me curious about her perspective while acting such a story.

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    • Wow, Sparks! You have so many fascinating things to say!

      I did start reading the WJuliet manga, but got SO confused as to who was male and female, I had to put it down. Haha!

      I thought about Painter in the Wind. Wow – that drama made me more angry than any other show in the history of TV. She was absolutely intolerable. Her extreme temper and passions made me want to strangle her to death. If only Moon wasn’t such a good actress. 😛 Hey, but I took up painting after watching that because I was inspired by the artwork, so there’s a silver lining there. The ending of that was so utterly horrible too. 😛

      Hahahahahaha. I think the girls in Asian dramas are so obvious. 😛 But yes! We see the differences the more we watch! I remember my first drama, Secret Garden (So good!), where I thought main girl was terribly homely. Now I think she’s a lovely actress. My eye has adjusted. 🙂

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      • WJuliet does start off a bit confusing. I believe it was the mangaka’s first manga? Anyways, as the series goes on, the artwork gets better and Ito looks less boylike and it is easier to tell Makoto is a boy, even when in his female guise.

        Moon may be a good actress but I rarely like her dramas. I skipped Painter but I know the gist of the story. My 2nd kdrama was Coffee Prince (my first was Goong and I wanted to see Yoon Eun Hye again) – it took me most of the first episode to figure out the main guy and secondary guy were two different men. Which is hilarious because they look so different!

        Re: below, that is true. Though I’m inclined to believe in someone’s faith until they prove otherwise, not the other way around. I have heard nothing to make me doubt Yoon Eun Hye’s beliefs and heard quite a few things to make me believe. I remember reading an interview where Van Ness Wu talked about how much fun he had filming an MV with Junho despite the language barrier because of their common faith.

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      • Well that’s promising and exciting to hear! 🙂

        Have you seen Cheongdamdong Alice? I ADORED that one. It’s different in that the personalities of the typical male and female kdrama characters are switched. The female (Moon) is hard-nosed, whereas the guy made me cry from laughter (which never ever happens to me). I liked seeing the realism in that one – that love is actually a choice, not this over-arching passion that you can’t control. It was very well-done, and a modern take on the story “Daddy Long Legs.”

        Goong was so painful to watch I couldn’t finish it. I cannot stand to watch women get abused. That was one abusive situation after the other. The prince was so despicable. Ugh.

        What’s your favorite drama of all time?

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      • I’ll reply up here since it won’t let me reply below your comment. I was taking a break when Alice aired so I haven’t seen it but I did read Dramabean’s recaps. I enjoyed the recaps but they didn’t push me over the edge into having to watch like they often do. (And then Park Si-Hoo had that scandal which put me off, though I’ve debated watching Queen of Reversals just to see the rare drama rewritten for the 2nd lead to get the girl since his performance was supposed to be so amazing.)

        Goong was unique for sure but I felt just as sorry for the prince as I did the girl. They were both in tough situations and ended up coming out of it okay because they turned to each other (eventually). But I love Yoon Eun Hye and have watched nearly everything she is in – I loved Lie To me despite the flack it gets, but Mae Ri’s Choice was grr!!!

        My all time 100% favorite drama is the jdrama Hana Yori Dango. I hate the manga, hate the anime, don’t love the twdrama and kdrama versions – but the jdrama is something I rewatch annually and made me a big MatsuJun fan. Otherwise, my favorite kdramas would be: Queen In-Hyun’s Man, You From Another Star, Brilliant Legacy and Gu Family Book. Twdramas: ToGetHer, Just You, Down With Love and Smiling Pasta. Jdrama: Kimi wa Petto, Kurosagi, Ouran, Nobuta wo Produce (my first Asian drama ever)

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      • Haha. Wow. You and I have completely opposite tastes. Pretty much all of the ones you loved I either haven’t seen at all or couldn’t stand for one reason or another. 😛
        But that’s okay!

        My top favorite dramas are Bara no Nai Hanaya (which is, actually, Japanese. I don’t really love any other Jdramas, but that one was so Christlike and beautiful. I even had a girls’ night with my mom and sister and showed them an episode each time. My mom cried at EVERY single episode, then went out and bought it for herself. :-D), Healer, Kill Me Heal Me, and I Hear Your Voice.

        Second favorites are Mirai Nikki (NEVER saw the anime, but the Jdrama was fantastic and CLEAN), High School King of Savvy, and Dream Knight (which was an absolutely squeal-worthy little adorable drama to showcase the group GOT7). 😛

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      • Oh – speaking of Moon – there is one drama of hers I adore to pieces. Mary Stayed Out All Night aka Marry Me, Mary. I know it’s a drama that gets a lot of conflicted reviews but I loved it, despite the slightly fizzly ending.

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      • I Hear Your Voice is one of my top faves, too! Loved that it crossed over with A Gentleman’s Dignity and was a weird overlap with Secret Garden due to the actors. Yes, I mostly like the rom/coms – the better the romance, the happier I am – I’ll forgive a lot if I buy the romance. I’ve enjoyed the more serious ones but don’t tend to rewatch them (Smile, the jdrama is amazing and made me have massive moodswings while watching – so happy and then so mad at the injustices). I missed Healer when it aired but it hit my radar recently and I am planning to watch it asap – it looks amazing. And I’ve been debating High School King of Savy. There’s just so many good dramas out there and I’m starting to get pickier. I’m planning to check out Moorim School that just started and I am dying for this weekend’s finale of Answer Me 1988.

        I’m ISTJ with occasional INFJ leanings. Have you heard of Personalysis testing? I’ll have to share my results with that sometime. It was fantastic.

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      • I personally like Noona romances. Maybe because I married a younger man. Hahahahaha So High School King of Savvy feeds heavily into that. 😛 The girls is so awkward it’s painful, but I stuck with it and I was glad. The male actor is from Reply 1997 (HATED that show), and he’s just a superb actor.
        I want to try Moorim School too!
        ISTJ, eh? Interesting! Low S and low T? No wonder I love you! 😛 Although I love ISTJs too. 😀
        I’m ESFJ, of course. 🙂

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    • Oh, and I wanted to add that it’s very cool in “Christian Korea” for celebrities to claim to be Christians. Very few actually convince me that they are. I think it might be more of a status thing there.
      Super Junior’s Siwon, though, constantly re-tweets John Piper. 🙂

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  4. Hello sunshine! ^.^ I hope you are well. Before I get into my views I think that you should know where I am coming from, as I know where you are coming from by reading this, it is only mutually fair. I am a trans woman. I am an atheist, and I am quite liberal. If you would like to continue conversation (which I really hope!) Grand, if not, then I still hope you read this, and may you have a beautiful day. That said:
    1. I agree with the first portion on men and women, though I don’t think that swinging to the other side is a good idea either. Masculinity, femininity and androgyny can all be absolutely beautiful, but they should not ever, from anyone, be used in a way to confine people. I do not know how things are in Korea, but (I’m in the US) here, those of us who are androgynous (I’m not personally) aren’t pushing for anyone to embrace only androgyny, and I find that all except the most extreme outliers (sp?) would find the idea of pushing that on anyone absolutely ludicrous. I certainly would not want to push a gender presentation on anyone, as I don’t want it pushed on me. It would be not only hypocritical, but cruel. I think it’s mean for people to demand masculinity/femininity of men and femininity/masculinity of woman, just as it would be mean to demand androgyny for anyone. Just do what makes you happy sunshine, and keep rockin’ socks.
    2. I have butt heads a few times with some of my more gender variant trans siblings on this one. I think gender is SUPER important (I mean, I’m a trans woman, my gender identity as a woman is so incredibly important to me) and I think that all people cis and trans should be respected in their identity. I would never push for someone to transition, and I hope one day, people will stop pushing to stop others from transitioning. Gender is a very solidifying thing for many people. It allows them to ground themselves really into who they are. It is far less black and white than male/female dichotomy, but even then, those that “break it” don’t always. As I said, I’m female, through and through, even though I’m trans. I am very happy in the feminine side of that dichotomy.
    I won’t argue the religious basis with you, as we come from two sharply different view points on that. I see you are very deeply religious and hold God dear. I only hope that your God is a God of beauty, caring and understanding, and not the hateful God that I too often see coming from those that hate the queer community. Do you sunshine, just love everyone around you.
    There seems to be some things that you do not understand in general about gender/sex/gender presentation/sexuality, though I am also again speaking from the point of view that m/f isn’t the only thing out there and sex/gender aren’t inherently tied together. I say this not to be condescending, but rather just pointing out what I see, please do not take it offensively.
    The last point I will touch on, which to me is moot, but I will address it anyway because it is important to many other people, and seems to be important to you, is the idea that you do not see homosexuality in other animals of the world, only humans. That is just simply not true.
    http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2004/07/0722_040722_gayanimal.html
    http://www.bbc.com/earth/story/20150206-are-there-any-homosexual-animals
    http://www.yalescientific.org/2012/03/do-animals-exhibit-homosexuality/
    http://www.livescience.com/44464-bonobo-homosexuality-natural.html
    Of course, the debate could be swung over to asking if it’s an active or passive deal that happens, as it’s hotly contested if there are any other fully sentient animals out there. Even if it were entirely passive, I don’t think that it negates other humans experiences.
    I knew when I was little that something was… wrong. I wasn’t like the other girls (and yes, I always viewed myself as with the other girls), though, I couldn’t really wrap my head around it. I still held on to this sliver of hope that when I started growing up, I would grow up like the other girls, of course…. that didn’t work out as planned. I didn’t even know the term trans until I was 15. Nobody pushed me into it, nobody enticed me into, nobody did anything. I grew up in a Christian household. Straight, cis parents. Straight, cis grandparents. Stable, functional and loving family (still are, my family is fantastic, I love them so ^,^) I didn’t need any trauma in my life for me to be who I am. I just am. In the same way that you are lucky enough to have your gender and sex align, I got stuck with ones that didn’t. The amount of times I’ve thought about how if I could choose, I would be cis, be it female or male, because being trans is not easy. Even without the backlash of society, it’s hard. It’s really difficult to deal with, especially at first. I hate the fact that my sex and gender don’t match, but here I am. I do what I can to make myself more comfortable in my own body. If I didn’t… well… there would have been a much darker end to my story, and I wouldn’t be sitting here writing this. It’s a big deal. I hope that perhaps we can continue our conversation, and maybe you can understand.
    I’m not trying to convert anyone to anything. That’s one argument I never understood. The gays/trans want to convert people. No! Totally not. We spent our whole lives with people trying to convert us to cis/straight, we know how incredibly painful that is, why would we, why would I ever, ever put someone through that? I say do you. You’re cis? Cool. Straight? Cool. Trans? cool. Gay? Cool. Don’t know? Cool. It’s all good. Just love yourself and love those around you.
    Anyway, now that I’ve written a small novel on here, I will leave you with this:
    You may disagree with me, you may (and I hope not) hate me, you may agree, you may understand, I don’t know, I don’t know you, so I can not judge you, nor would I want to. I love you fellow human, because you are just as wonderful and beautiful and amazing as every other human on this planet. I hope you have an absolutely beautiful day and beautiful life, and I really do hope to have a conversation. Take very good and gentle care of yourself sunshine ^.^

    Liked by 1 person

    • Ivy! Sweet reader!
      Thank you for your post, thank you for reading mine, and thank you for your truly gentle, gracious heart that spoke your differing beliefs with such kindness. I wish all people could learn to be so gracious when disagreeing. Thank you so much for stopping by and joining in our conversation. I appreciate it and I appreciate you.
      (I’ll check out the links too! )

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re very welcome! By the way, do you prefer RJ or something else?
        Anyway, there’s no reason to be cruel, adding to hate adds to fear which in turn only adds more hate and fear. I truly believe that fear of the unknown is one of the only reasons we end up hating each other. It was absolutely my pleasure ^.^
        I don’t know if you will end up being inclined to read any of my blog, but if you are, I’ll give you the same heads up I do everyone else. It does get graphic. It mostly surrounds sex/gender/gender identity, and includes many topics surrounding physical/mental/ and sexual abuse, along with topics on suicide and self harm. If you don’t come read it, this is pointless, but just in case you do, I know people tend to like a heads up.
        Anyway, I’m totally out for the night. have sweet dreams when you get there sunshine ^.^ Later!

        Like

      • I prefer RJ. 🙂

        I must admit, I have already browsed much of your blog. 🙂 I would love to talk to you any time, and am thrilled you gave me the time of day! Would love to pray for you too. Sweet dreams yourself!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. I just thought of another movie/book that falls in line with the above discussion – The Host. Two boys in love with two different persons who happen to share the same body for most of the story? It doesn’t get much more “loves her for her soul” than that!

    Like

  6. Pingback: Top Posts of 2016! | Blonde RJ

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