Today is my 30th 2nd birthday.
I’m already thirty-two years old, so I’m not using Hobbit speech to say the same thing. I mean that today, thirty whole years ago, I became a Christian. I was born again. My second birthday.
It was a meaningful day today because it was also the deadline to submit my addition to the Beatitude and Woe anthology Bear Publishing is putting together. I will sign again with a small press, submitting my short story, The Tears of the Emperor. *I* shed a lot of tears writing the story, which I painstakingly brought down to exactly 9,999 words. It talks about trusting God’s sovereignty when you don’t understand why He’d allow so much suffering, waiting on a prodigal you’re praying for who’s broken your heart, and walking forward in obedience even when you don’t understand and you don’t want to do the thing. I sobbed all the way through writing it. My verse was “Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
As I hit thirty years of being born again, I can’t help but feel a tiny bit disappointed. I’m disappointed I still lack patience, disappointed I still get angry, disappointed things like the new abortion laws can shake my view of God’s goodness for a solid week. I’m disappointed in the things I’m still afraid of, and in the ways I get discouraged. I’m disappointed that I’m not more self-disciplined and am not where I want to be in all ways as a person.
But I’m also sweetly encouraged by the Holy Spirit to see the ways in which He’s shown me mercy, the things I’ve absorbed, and the fact that going to God’s Word and prayer is always the first thing on my mind. I enjoy learning about Him, I enjoy being in His Word, and I love His church. I am content in my stage of life, I love being a mom, and I can’t get enough of other Christians who spur me on toward love and good deeds. God is making me more like Jesus, even if I can’t always see it. He keeps His promises.
Sometimes it’s a rocky rollercoaster. Sometimes the things I’ve known intellectually for decades really stretch me emotionally. Sometimes I’m lazy in my faith and expect God just to automatically make things happen without having to work hard. But He’s taken me through some awful, awful things where I wanted to walk away but I didn’t because my heart was held fast to a deep, binding cord attached to Christ. There is nothing else for me besides Him.
And so I am thankful. As I walk ahead toward another thirty or sixty years of being in Christ, I look forward to being made more like Him, to conquering these life-long sins, and to seeing Him work in my life. I want Him to be as dear to me as He was to Moses. I want my face to shine and my heart to be like His. I am so very thankful He made me His own little lamb thirty years ago.
Have you trusted in Christ as the Savior of your sins? Don’t wait. Submit and do it now. Joy is waiting. ❤